iM iN LoVe aGaiN

im back!

2009-10-04T01:26:00.001+08:00

i am bck to blogging.
many tings happened past few yrs bck.
wil soon upload pics and stuff
in here..

2008-07-21T21:29:00.002+08:00

wad i'd need to do to make dis guy come to his senses??
do i hav to teach him wad a guy shud do or has to do?
do i hav to tell u evry single ting dat u shud do?
why cnt u be more smart and initiative for god's sake!

urgh!! furking fed up wid him as days goes by. c'mon la..
dun be pathetic!

2008-07-20T13:11:00.001+08:00

it'll all get better in time.
i hope.

2008-07-19T19:25:00.001+08:00

getting engaged.

2007-10-20T17:36:00.000+08:00

my life events so far.....

my darling sis cuz got married...

FINALLY!!

we all became staff nurses of kkh...

and good friends..

CONGRATS TO US!!

my hamster got fatter...

GEMOK GILER SIOL!!

my other hamster gave birth to babies!!!

but she died few wks after...

i had my own cliques of girls at werk...

LOVE YOU ALL!!

and hari raya dis yr was full of tests and challenges....

but well...

i am still smiling...

as always.

2007-03-27T21:05:00.000+08:00

suppose to work in pm shift today.
instead came in am shift.
not aware of schedule change which is las min!
not my fault wad!

first day was solely orientation.
a lil boring. making us doze off to slp w e ppt slides.
typical.
tour after all dat. made new frens whom i nvr thot wud be.
haha!! wad a smal world.

soooo many tings to noe abt ward.
soooo many tings to familiarise myself with.
soooo many things im stil so v blur abt.
god. help me.

gotta go. gotta revise my karatzz skills. fooken nuggety!
adios amigos kaplastolos!
it means gd bye n tk cr.

2007-03-20T19:23:00.000+08:00

life's been good.
love's been fading. not too bad tho.
sch's been stressing. exams!! alredy here in fact.
academic yr's over. missing everyday frens.
missin iffa. missin sheila. missin linda & ibnu.
missing all my otha buddies.
*sigh*

plans for future..
-pass my PRCP.
-pass exams & graduate.
-HOLIDAYS!! ENJOY!!
-work like hell.
-be an air stewardess. AS IF!!
-travel.
-settle down. get married. HEHE!!
-have LOTSA babies!! FUYOH!!
-enjoy my retirement days.
-rest in peace.

*hopefully i get to do al dat. i luv me.

2007-03-06T23:34:00.000+08:00

hmm..
i miss my happy life.

2007-02-25T15:43:00.001+08:00

im lost.

2007-02-24T00:25:00.000+08:00

we used to promise an entire lifetime together.
making plans to live together forever.
engagement. a wedding banquet.
a heaven we wud live in for the rest of our lives.
soo many. none achieved. all gone.

2007-02-23T19:24:00.000+08:00

"we seldom meet", was e reason for cheating.
uhh? was it my fault dat we din meet dat often?
was i e one not wanting to meet evrytime we're free?
was i e one working my arse day and nite til we din have time to meet?
so now im e one who doesnt plan anyting for us all dis while huh?
so now all's my fault!!?? fuck u.

onli god noes wad im gg thru.
how could he??
after so much i gav, i did fer him..
was dis wad i deserved??

i giv up.

2007-02-23T14:34:00.000+08:00

how wud it feel if e person u trust most cheated on u?
how wud it feel if dat person had made a damn big mistake u never thot he wud ever do?

yeh. sucks doesnt it.
hurts like hell.
i know.

juz feels like the world's ending.
feels like ders no one else der fer u nemor.
feels like u cnt trust anyone nemor.
yeh juz feels like shit.

dis tears r not gona stop falling.
no matter how i tried. it juz wun.
dis heart dis love is beginning to wither at evry thot of it.

e ending of dis love...
is juz e beginning of hatred.

??

2007-02-20T00:29:00.000+08:00

mixed feelings.
duno wad's right or wrong anymor.
duno which are lies n which are truth anymor.
tings r jz so difficult for me right dis v moment.
i dun trust myself. i cnt trust anyone at all.
im jz living in dis world wid doubts.

n im not happy.

2007-01-16T22:57:00.000+08:00

i duno wads wrong w me!!!
wads wrong w evryting ard me!!
y is evryting wrong fer me??!!

i hate almost evryting nw!!
yyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-01-04T16:18:00.000+08:00

i hate rejections.
i hate being unappreciated fer
e little tings i do.
i jus hate it.

im not being egoistic,
am i?

2007-01-02T01:01:00.000+08:00

i am sad.
i feel so wronged.
but all dis cnt change a ting dat's happened.
i wana say im sorry but..
i cnt.
i cnt bear rejection.

2007-01-02T00:55:00.000+08:00

why..
why do i always add more fire to e flame
dats alredy burning?
why cnt i jus admit wrong wen i am
rather den making evryting too
complicated to settle?
despite knowing e consequences,
i still continue doing all dat..
wad hav i got to lose? i dun lose anyting..
do i?

i need to change. but i hav dis damn ego
stopping me. help!!!!

2007-01-02T00:26:00.000+08:00

evrytime e coming of a big occasion
dats e time wen shits happens..
shits dat make us go our separate ways.
thank u god! thank u so much for dat..
cuz it makes me damn stronger ar!!

dammit.
my first few drops of tears in 2007.
thanks to e same person who promised
to contain it as a new yr resolution.
thank u very very much.

2006-12-27T23:33:00.000+08:00

so far so good.
that's all.

2006-12-19T21:21:00.000+08:00

i jus looovvvveee being single!!!
free from worries!!
free from shits from bfs!!!!!
free from stoopid guys who dun hav feelings!!!
free from pathetic fooken ugly men!!!!!!!!
that's the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-12-19T14:57:00.000+08:00

e whether's been accomodating my mood these days.
sadness. disappointments. blah blah..
my no-happy mood.
boredom. anger. leads to crazy stressness.
blargh!!

rain rain go away.
come again anotha day.
i wana get my hp today.
so pls pls go away.

at home. doing nothing. updating shits.
too cold to eat. too cold to bathe.
too cold to go out.
jus too cold for my damn mood.

hoping it wun rain tmrw.
wana go to e beach.
chilling. swimming.
jus relaxing my mind, body and soul.

stoopid pple w stoopid selfishness.
i hate dem all!

2006-12-19T14:21:00.000+08:00

afraid i may not be able to take it anymore.
being lonely isnt fun.
feeling like a fool isnt fun either.
expecting someting dat dun happen aint fun too.

i jus hope he'd realise how it feels right nw.
to be lonely. all alone.
i feel like im single tho im attached.
fark dis feeling.

2006-12-16T00:21:00.000+08:00

ate at seoul for the 1st time.
w family and mantaro, my bf.
amazed? even i was when my dad
was giving him food, cooking them for him
when he came. hmm.. well..
it was a good sign tho.

he had to go off to work at 10pm.
so left halfway thru when we're jus
walking ard cozway point. too bad.
so now he's at work doing his job, i hope.
trust him la hor.

today was the last day of attachments in 63C.
unlike other last days i was very very sad to leave.
it was difficult for me to leave 63C.
patients, staffs, they made me love dis ward then before.
was in tears a few hrs before shift ends. jus had to let it out.
staffs were nice friendly and crazy pple. the reason why my
afternoon shifts were always sooo alive. im gona miss thos.
the fact dat my patient was not getting better but otherwise,
made it even more difficult for me to leave.
when told im leaving and not coming bck to work der, she said,
"come and see me la some time.."
my eye went all teary and i jus gave her a smile and said,
"ok i will."
dat was by far the most memorable moment throughout
my days of attachments. i jus cudnt help it but to cry.
softly in my heart.
im gonna miss my patients who made a difference in my
perception towards nursing. and im gonna miss dis moment.
i'll jus pray that everyone gets better and that someday i'll be
able to see them out of hospital smiling and saying hi
whenever they see me.
i love dis job.
i love the pple involved.
i love nursing.

2006-12-10T13:32:00.000+08:00

telah ku berikan semuanya kasih
telah ku korbankan segalanya
namun ku sendiri tak pernah mengerti
apa yang engkau fikirkan
apa yang engkau inginkan

selagi ada cinta di hatiku
selagi ada rindu yang membara
selagi ku mampu bertahan kasih
ku terima segalanya
walau hatiku merana

my relationship turning from bad to worst.
but im stil hanging on. bcuz i stil love him.
trying to change but if im e onli one trying...
i wonder. wil it ever get better?

2006-12-02T14:06:00.000+08:00

things are gg bad.
relationships turned sour.
wads gg on these days??

2006-12-02T09:18:00.000+08:00

how come no one makes a big commotion abt
de academic results dis semester???
my frens dey all jus simply kept quiet abt their
academic results.. wad happen??

i jus checked mine. no supps. glad bout dat.
but stil v puzzled abt de fact dat i totally
forgot abt it and onli remembered today
morning whch is like one fooken wk after its out.
wth??!? why nobody said anyting abt their results.
usually dey'd cal each other and ask each other
abt their results and stuff liddat but dis time
dat din happen at all.. hmm i wonder why???

lucky me my sis was arguing wid stoopid bf
fer nothing and overheard her saying someting
like exams skool and poly life and stuff and dat
was wad actually woke me up early dis morning
and realise i hv not checked my damn results!!

anyhoos!! i din see any remarks dat says supp
beside any of my modules. tho its a bad result
i must say im jus happy i moved up one notch
despite being stressed up at de wrong time and
not being able to study jus cuz of love. sheessh!!
glad i made it. thnk you god!

2006-12-01T22:04:00.000+08:00

i wana cry.
i wana scream.
i wana run.
i jus wana let the world know how im feeling.

sad. angry. disappointed.
all feelings possible when ur lonely.
when ur dying to see someone but u jus cudnt.
he jus doesnt have the time.
work. its all cuz of work.

i've been trying to understand the situation
these past two three days.
but im starting to get agitated and angry.

he's not been giving me sms-es.
not even been calling in to me.
i've been sms-ing him but wid no replies.
been calling but all i get is,
"baby, im bz. cal u later ok."
and dat ends it. not even one minute call these days.
they always lasted less den a minute.

i miss him so much that at times
i feel like crying. alone.

pls baby.. wil u pls see wad im gg thru?
at least?

2006-12-01T00:31:00.000+08:00

i miss so many pple...

my friends..
my skool mates..
nurul.. i duno y but i do.
my baby..

evryone... i miss u all so much.

2006-11-30T21:05:00.000+08:00

it amazed me how much i miss him
and y i jus cnt seem to hav time wid him.
guess he's jus too bz.

dis 2 wks holiday i hav
was not how i wanted it to be.
its bad. real bad.

2006-11-29T01:11:00.000+08:00

life is never fair..
esp love.
i guess i meant mine.
*sigh*

2006-11-28T13:23:00.000+08:00

pics pics pics!!
my cuz wedding.. take a look!

and guess who came dwn too??

yeah!! my baby.. amazing huh?

2006-11-22T23:14:00.000+08:00

i always thot i was e only person hurt by love.
but i realise dis....
der are lots more othas dat are hurt by love.
guys.. gurls.. but dey kept on going.
and i realised...
why cnt i.

2006-11-22T23:08:00.000+08:00

oh my gawd..
look @ my pic!!
look @ my eyebag!!
its huge!!
arrgghhh!!!!!

2006-11-22T22:41:00.000+08:00

hav u ever wonder..
whether he relly did call his uncle
when he told u he wud?
hav u ever wonder..
whether he relly was sleeping
when he said he was but called u
few hrs after, saying he cudnt sleep..

i did.
wad was playing in my mind when
he said he wana cal his uncle was..
"is he relly calling his uncle or is he
calling anotha woman?"
wad was playing in my mind when
he said he wana slp at 9pm but called
me after a few hrs was.....
"was he relly sleeping or was he actually
talking on e phone wid anotha woman
jus now and dats y he's calling me nw?"

haiz.. i wonder..
i wonder when i wud stop having dis
feelings and when wud i start believing
him again..

2006-11-22T22:28:00.000+08:00

be patient.
learn to trust.
give in.
wait.

dats wad i wud do nw.

2006-11-21T18:04:00.000+08:00

having 2 wks break while im broke.
jus great.
so gues i'll be staying hm fer quite
a while. boredom.

so dats y i jus had to change my blog layout.
and dis is it now. i like it. simple.

my cuz is getting married.
and she's 30 plus aredy. at last.
well happy fer her.
and she's leaving to brunei wid her hubby
after marriage. sedih siak.
bcuz we dun always see each otha.
and now she's leaving. haiyah..

im tired. gotta go get some nap.
bye!

2006-11-21T15:58:00.000+08:00

3 plus pm..
i went online on msn.
gues wad shocked me wen i came online?
man's nick says he's online. uh??

called him up. says he's @ werk.
two tings.
he's relly @ werk bcuz he horned his forklift.
it cud be somebody else using his msn acct.
and who cud dat be? farked up. i noe.

i got suspicious & asked him repeatedly wads gg on.
obviously he doesnt noe wads gg on.
and dat got him angry and we hang up.

abt de whoeva arsehole dats using my baby's msn acct..
i pm asking who de heck was using it.
obviously no one ans. damn. wtf.
jus ans lar right. stoopid sia.
love to see us argue wid each otha noe.
bloody hell.

nvm.
im gonna find out wads gg on fer sure.
damn sure im not gonna sit tight knowing someone's
trying to break us up.
hopefully its not somebody i noe of.

all de best to me.

2006-11-10T21:43:00.000+08:00

is it a shame dat i am attached to u?
does being my bf brings shame to u and ur life?

den y are u not telling em im ur gurl?
ur not even trying..
y are u not appreciating all de nice testimonials i gav?
i made dem specially for u wid effects and all..
dey're jus for u. dey're special. y r u achamed to display
em on ur profile? are dey nt gd enuf fer u?
i've done my best at least. tho its someting small its from
my big heart. y arent u appreciating em. at least show me
some form of appreciation..

u din. y..
if all dis is a shame..
den dun be wid me.
dun make me feel dis way.
pls..

leave if u wana

2006-11-03T18:55:00.000+08:00

u'll never noe how im disappointed wid wad ur doing..
u'll never tink wad ur doing is wrong.. u always tink its right.
u'll never noe wad u did hurt me deep. u always tink its ok.
u'll never be able to gimme gd explanations.. ever.

im almost getting sick and tired of moulding u into
somebody better.. i noe u dun relly want to
despite wadeva u promised me.
im trying and trying and ur two-facing evryting..
damn im tired.

if u dun like wadeva u hav right now, even me,
please jus leave and start a new life..
throw away our memories. it nvr meant anyting anyway.
throw me away.. i was nvr gd enuf for u anyhow.
i'll be fine. and u'll be free..

p.s: pls... dun leave me clinging onto any hope
that can nvr happen. pls.

2006-10-29T23:07:00.000+08:00

have u ever felt that he's cheating u?

have u ever felt thos butterflies-in-ur-stomach feelings
whenever he says "im gg to sleep now.", when it was stil
too early to do so? have u?

have u ever been in a situation where ur mind kept
telling u "he's cheating u right now" but ur heart says
"no he loves u. he said it himself."?

have u ever been in a situation where a part of u jus wana
call him right now and shout at him for being a bad liar but
in the other u jus dun wana hurt him?

have u ever wished dat u cud have the power to watch
what ever he's doing every minute evry second every day
so u cud noe the truth?

have u ever felt like giving up but u din cuz a small part
of u says he'll change? have u?

i have. always have. always wil. even at dis moment
that im typing dis.. right now.
i feel.. he's cheating me.

2006-10-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

its over.
nothing to talk about.
period.

its over.

2006-10-16T23:55:00.000+08:00

guys.
dey'd do anything to get u.
but leave when dey do.
i dun fucking understand dem.

everyone's changing.

2006-10-08T21:35:00.000+08:00

why do i get hurt over and over again?
when wud it stop and go my way, the way i want it to be?
sometimes regrets overcome me.. but why do i stil go on life like dis?

my trust fading. my love fading. my feelings changed. but i stil hang on. y?
no answers. i've no answers. suspicions. lies. deceits. dats all i see in him. y?
he cares not for me anymore. his love is not to me anymore. lies. all lies.
evry night crying tires me. makes me sick. and i wished it wud stop. at least one night w/o tears.
i wished i cud make it stop. evrytime i turn back my tears are sure to pour again one day. guaranteed.
im expressing how i feel here bcuz i've no one to express it to.
its sad i know. but as i say. pple hav changed. even me myself.

will it ever change to the way i want it to change?
will it ever stay dat way?
i've no answers. im stil looking.
but im beginning to get tired.

2006-08-30T16:56:00.000+08:00

hmm..
its been quite a while.. frankly, i was jus too lazy to update dis blog.
because i was jus too contented wid my life ryte nw. i lurve it!!

school's been good. i been a good a gurl..
been going fer classes and lecture and all..
my baby's been real good too. he has a fixed job nw. full time.
and he's a very good co worker.. but he's a workaholic. dat i dun like.
we seldom meet. we seldom talk on de phone. we dun hav real time togeda anymore.
but i try to be a nice gurlfren.. try to understand and be patient. keep telling myself dat
he jus had to work.. its all fer our future too.. tho we had arguments on this. haiz..
wadeva it is.. i still am so much in love wid him. *i love you baby*

anyways..
27th aug marks my mum's bday.
me my bro and sis and my baby planned on celebrating..
actually it was all my plan larr..
we went swensen's.. ate and ate..
brot cake and celebrated wid de whole swensen staff singing all thos stuf..
its was cool.. my mum was happy.. dad was happy.. glad dat dey r gd wid my baby aredy..
i was jus soooo glad la..
hope dat evryting goes well in de future and keeps getting better..

ok toodles.. im famished.
gotta go eat.
byeeee!!!

2006-06-18T00:57:00.000+08:00

met my baby boy..
go mkn all..
jus spend e whole nyte togeda..
jus talking.. laughing..
he always makes me laugh..
smpai nk pecah perot..

tried dwnloading software nk dwnload lagu..
but cnt..
hmm tkpe la...

btw i love my baby damn much.
muuaaackks!!!!

2006-06-17T12:56:00.000+08:00

been some tyme since i last log in..
comp was down. internet was down. evryting was down lar basically..
jus got back up like two days ago.. so here i am. updating.

life been goood...
attachments been gooood...
im all healthy and well...
and baby's been goood too.
all's well larr...
alhamdulilah.

2wks of sgh attachments gone.
it seems sooo fast.. hmm..
2wks more.. and e best part is...
CI wun be ard for e whole wk next wk. great!!
ok larr.. tho she's good.. it jus feels depressing wen any CI's ard.

ok gg out soon.
meeting baby..
oh and anotha ting!!
i made changes to myself!
hope to see all u peeps soon.. missing u all soooooo much!!
lurves!!!

2006-06-01T13:24:00.000+08:00

dun look for me.
i wun look for u.
dun cal me..
i wun cal u.
u are too heartless for me.
leave me alone.

2006-05-31T22:54:00.000+08:00

READ DIS,
MUHAMMAD QAMARUZZAMAN!!

*kalau nak suro i buat bende2 mcm transfering money..
pls lemme knw earlier when im ALL ALONE!!
and not when im wid MUM!! GET IT!!

u know how hard fer me to keep giving bullshits
evrytime u want me to transfer money for u!!
so please be a lil considerate and think of my damn situation
and not jus ur benefit aje!!!!! ok!!!*

thank you.

2006-05-30T23:20:00.000+08:00

went shopping today.
new top. new skirt. new shoes.
bought new tops for dad. love u!
all amounted up to 152 bucks in all..
hmm stil quite ok lah.. stil got enuf money to watch X-MEN!!

YEY!! set!!
planned wid yaminah to go catch x-men on thursday!
at lido.. tyme? ntah.. blom set lagi.
wil do by tmrw..
cant wait!! cant wait to go out.. and cant wait to meet my long lost
close friend.. she must hav changed quite a lot.. hmm..

XMEN!! here we come!

btw..
missing my baby tonyte.
as always..

2006-05-29T23:35:00.000+08:00

im happy.
life's been good. better den before..
these days been real nice...
baby's been very nice..
evrything's been purrfect..
only me. im sick.

well..
hoping evrything dats good stays goooood..
i love you all..
esp u.. my baby boy!

2006-05-28T23:04:00.000+08:00

argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
pukimak lah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
cheeeeeeeeebyeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
anak sundal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
pukimak korang lar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tk bleh nk tgk aku dgn die senang per sial!!!!!!!!!!!
kanina!!!!!!!
pala buto lar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ah anak babi!!!!!!!!!! pundek puki!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SIAL ARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!
PUKIMAK PEH MANDAI HILL CAMP PEH ORG BODO2!!!!!!!!
PI MATI PON CANTIK LARR SIAL!!!!!!!!!
GI MATI LARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PUKIMAK KORG LARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-05-28T22:18:00.000+08:00

baby and i are good..
we're damn gooood..
and we like it dis way jus as it is..
anything better is welcome..
anything not, pls get lost.
thank you!

ok so today's sunday ryte..
and my baby's at camp serving his 28days of SOL ryte..
and when it's a sunday it means...
no food. ryte...
so me being a loving and caring gerrrll fren.....
sent him MAKAN!!
sweet ryte!!!!! i know i know...
oh well, tho i jus recovered from my two-day fever..
i forced myself up.. went to PASAR.. (once in a blue moon kinda thing!)
buy meat and stuffs like that.. and guess wad??
i cooked for him the dish he was craving for!! i cooked sia!!
black pepper beef... yum yum... he loikes u know!!

and in the end..
he was full..
he's happy...
and im happy.

i love u baby.

2006-05-28T20:02:00.000+08:00

baby..
im so so sorry.
i thot it was urs..
but guessed it wasnt.
its a fren of my parents..
im so sorry darling..

i shud hav checked it before..
but i didnt..
forgive me ok??
pweeaasseee!!!

love u!

2006-05-25T19:46:00.000+08:00

hmm...
today is jus bad.
really bad.

not been talking to baby..
keep looking for trouble.
i jus want his damn attention..
i know its kinda selfish to want all his attention to myself..
but..
that's jus wad i need ryte now..
he's not ard me.. im not wid him.
i dun get to see him at all.
and its been 3 wks!!
isnt it jus typical of me to act liddis?
haish...

sedih lah aku..
mcm pompan terbiar...
ade matair tapi tkde attention..
aku rindu..
rindu kan baby ku...

2006-05-25T16:42:00.000+08:00

ah pukilah kau tkmu cal aku lagi.
cheebye..

2006-05-25T14:41:00.000+08:00

im having my period.
so be it.
period.

2006-05-24T18:48:00.000+08:00

ok back from airport.
and guess wad?
my bibik went to the wrong gate..
tu lah ikot kawan plak dekni!

and im very tired.
back pain.. period.
i jus wana lay in bed..
pls.

2006-05-24T12:56:00.000+08:00

woke up early at 10 today.
will be seeing my bibik to the airport.
yea...
she'll be going bck to her homeland in indonesia..
will miss her..
she's been a good company here at our hse..
ma kasih bik!

start off good wid baby today morning.
no early-mornings quarrel.. no fights.
i love him loads!

will meet you on saturday darling..
love u, miss u!

back

2006-05-23T21:50:00.000+08:00

people!!
am back!!
yea i know...
its been long...
i know...

well updates updates..
first things first.
i passed! goin yr 3 nxt..
yey!!

next thing..
me and man, my baby boy...
we're doing real great!!
i love him..

another thing..
holidays are now!!!
tho its only two wks..
its still holidays!
meaning... it tyme to NJOY!!

see u all soon!!
more updates i promise you!

2006-03-22T22:00:00.000+08:00

its been a while. i know.
alot of things took place. as usual.
e usual fights, quarrels and squabbles.
but one ting dats unusual.

he has a daughter.
yes. he has a daughter.
something i nvr thot wud have happened to me.
it happened.
its like a nightmare coming true.
i nvr wana sleep again. ever.

well..
i never did sleep at all afta knowing e truth.
i jus cudnt. with all e tings happening.
him getting into trouble. him getting kicked outta hse.
nw.. him getting hospitalised.
so many damn tings happening very fast.
i cudnt keep up.

and im stil deciding whether or not i shud jus accept him now.
i know i cant. its hard. in e long run.

2006-03-05T12:51:00.000+08:00

eeeeeyyyy!! boring nyer akuuuu!!!
nk klua tkleh. saket.
nk mkn mknn pedas tkleh. tekak saket.
nk mkn chocolate tkleh. tekak saket.
eyy!! nk mati agaknyer aku ni!!

i miss u. all my kekawan seme.
i miss him. my baby boy.
i miss chocolate, guler-guler seme.
i miss me. e all up and bouncy ais.
i miss e werld!! nk klua!!!!
waaaaaaa!!! mendak eyy ni mcm ari2!!
somebody ssaaaaaaaavveeee meeeee!!!!!

haiyah!
obat dh abes.
saket tk abes abes..
bodo kape?!!
haish..

bile aku nk baik niii??!!

2006-03-02T18:19:00.000+08:00

im sick.
viral infection e doctor say.
oucchh!!
it hurts so bad.

2006-02-24T23:19:00.000+08:00

wad am i feeling inside?
i dunno.
i feel so loved at one tym.
and feel so lost at another.
wads wrong wid damn me?
wad am i searching for?
wad do i crave for?
wad do i want?
i hv no answers to em qns.

2006-02-19T20:13:00.000+08:00

a smile. but jus a smile.

2006-02-19T15:10:00.000+08:00

u say u din lied.
but u dun hv any gud explanation for last nyt.
wtf is wrong wid u nwadays.
disappearing evry wkend. evry saturday.
nt answering my cals nor replying my sms.
ur stoopid logic aint satisfying. its stoopid.

jgn ar bt aku mcm aku ni bdk bodo.
skali kau lpas, kau jgn pkir kau bleh lpas lagi.
mmg kau licik. mmg kau pandai berputar belit kn crite.
aku dh pnat lah..
jgn mcm sial lah pls.

2006-02-19T15:03:00.000+08:00

guys.
dey jus love to make a fool outta us.
n dey tink fooling us is sumting fun.
FUCK U!!!!!!

if u tink u cn get away wid it dis tym..
u farking wrong!
jus get lost!!

2006-02-19T01:26:00.000+08:00

my hp died yesterday.
cudnt switch it bck on.
stoopid fooken hp.
so.. im uncontactable!
gd or bad?
hmm...
anyways, thos trying to get me but cudnt, sorry..
ok ok.. tht's all.
nk pi tdo ni.
ngantok dan penat giler!!
slamat mlm! gud nyt!
muah muah muah!!!

2006-02-18T23:45:00.000+08:00

im tired. seriously tired.
been working on e posters for nxt wk's hs 2037 pesentatn.
e drawings done earlier which wud made my life so much easier today was gone few days bck
whch was y im so damn fooken tired nw.
had to draw, paint and paste dwn evrything on vgard.
fooken pnat sial!!
kpale bnyk saket. badan bnyk aching. aiyah! seme saket la...
aku nk tukar template ar..
template ni dh lame sesgt..
naik bosan aku melihatnye..
kn kn??

2006-02-17T22:33:00.000+08:00

im tired.
im busy.
u got no tym?
so do i..

i stil love u.
hope u do too.

missing my baby too much.

2006-02-15T00:09:00.000+08:00

happy valentine's day???
FUCK YOU!!
v day SUX!!!
u pathetic SUCKOS!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-02-12T13:57:00.000+08:00

im gg out.
buat project.
so wil be bck later..

2006-02-12T01:24:00.000+08:00

tonyt i seem to understand evryting nw.
evryting seemed clear nw.
he din want me anymore.
and he din even bother anymore.

yeah..
we are we no more.
its jus me nw. jus me.
he brushed me off jus like tht.
like its not wrong to hurt a gerl's feeling.
hai...

im utterly disappted. upset.
and ashamed of myself for not listening.
but wad do i get nw for regretting?
exactly. nothing.

dis i blive, must be karma...

2006-02-11T15:13:00.000+08:00

was told he was sick last nyt while out at satay club.
ok so i din wana disturb. let him rest.
called wen i reached hm. but..
he was outside, withdrawing money..
and.. he sound healthy.
healthy giler babi.
was told he wud cal bck wen reach hm
cz he needs to carry brg2 all. so ok.
but he nvr called til ard 1am.
so i dialled his mobile no..
ngaged.. number busy.. no answer.
dialled again. (on e verge of giving up)
dere was an answer but no one speak.
but.. e bckgrd noise.
was he in a club, clubbing??
dat sends chills dwn my body. i went silent for a while.
tried calling again. but dere was no answer.
i gav up. on calling. and on him.
i asked fer a break up.
and i gues he agreed.
cz dere was nothing frm him. til nw.
oh well....
is dis life??

2006-02-11T14:12:00.000+08:00

manis kata-kata..
hanyalah di bibir saja.
tidak pasti dihati.
mungkin sebaliknya.

kata-kata janji..
bisa dimungkir..
dan dilupakan..
dalam sekelip mata.

pabila tidak diinginkan lagi..
ada saja alasan yg kau cari..
utk melarikan diri..
dan lepas dari perhubungan ini.

buruk sangatkah perhubungan kita ini..
sehinggakan kau sanggup berbuat seperti ini.
meninggalkan diriku..
tanpa sebab yg tentu.

sungguh tidak adil hidup ini..
melemparkan kekecewaan dan keseksaan.
di saat aku terlalu menyintakan nya..
dia berubah rasa dan haluan.

apakah salahku...
di manakah kesilapanku...
mengapa kau melangkah pergi..
dan tidak kembali lagi.

tk mungkin ini semua..
kerna aku tk setia.
dan tk mungkin ini semua..
kerna aku tidak cinta.

setelah kau meninggalkan aku..
rasa rindu terpacak di dadaku.
setiap hari setiap malam..
menantikan panggilanmu.
walau aku tahu..
ianya tidak akan berlaku.

kini aku mengerti..
kau tak perlukan aku lagi.
apalah gunanya diriku..
utk menantikan dirimu.

mungkin kini kau telah melupakanku.
melupakanku utk selamanya.
tetapi aku ingin kau tahu..
betapa ku menyayangimu..
semenjak dahulu lagi..
dan sehingga kini..

ku kan tetap mencintaimu.

2006-02-11T00:15:00.000+08:00

gues wad?
aku kenyang giler babi!!!!!!!!!
dh mcm babi ni pon... senak sak!!
kita olang makan busar loh hali ini..
manyak busar punya!!
muahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we went satay club tonyt..
and....
ate and
ate and
ate and
ate.
keep filling our tummies to its fullest!!
gerek beb!
dh mkn dh kenyang giler kan......
pastu balek jalan kaki!
konon nk exercise lah ckit sebyk..
haha...
semangat!!!

jln pny jln...
ktawe pny ktawe...
bobal pny bobal...
tk prasan tym dh kul 11 lebih pm...
dh mlm2 bute jln2 ktawe2 mcm org gile..
ader ke?? tsk tsk tsk....
tk btol anak beranak ni tau..
hahah!!!

tapi....
gerek sey!!
tgk pokok..
tgk patong..
tgk apek kacang... @ chong pang.
haha!! asal bole je bapak aku ni tau..
pandai je buat crite...

anyways.. my nyte was wonderful.
and for e first tym after soooooo long...
i had a great nyt wid my parents, my family.
after soooo long...
i was able to go out again w/o any corrupted thots..
w/o any worries..
jus smile, laugh and be happy..
happee giler babi nye mlm ni!!
best!!!!!!

NK LAGI!!!!!!!!!
bole?
*hee*

2006-02-10T00:17:00.000+08:00

guys.
hav dey gone upside dwn?
hev dey gone 'pagal'?
no? yes?
kalau no asal dorg nk jadi cam pompan plak kan?
mesti dh tk btol ni...
ader yg dh minat dgn brg2 make up pompan lah..
ader yg cukor kening beb!!
korg bayangkan lah..
ishk ishk ishk...
dunia dunia...
pape lah..

laki aku saket..
aku pon boring..
jadi boring2 ni, blog lah..
nothing much to say..
except...
im farking broke!!
tgl 20 bucks je dlm bank!!
nk survive cmne ni....
haiyoh!!

2006-02-08T16:26:00.000+08:00

im hm!! @ ard 3 plus pm.
yeah yeah..
so today's e 8th of feb.
man and me anni for 1yr 2mths.
but..
he's nt comng bck. so...
its nt so xciting for me lah.
tgh boring ni..
tsk..

im bored. a lil disappted.
plus!
my whole body's aching for no farking reason.
tho my head's getting better, it stil seem like e wrld's spinning!
FARK!!

oh oh...
btw, our grp presentation today was excellent!
(as commented & complimented by mdm chye, mind u!)
oops.. and sorry guys.
i messed up my script! hahah!!
bodo. mcm paham jek aku ni kn..
suro ckp, tnk ckp..
kuang kuang kuang!

so many things needed to be done.

leadership short essay assignment due dis friday!
dengue presentation due nxt 2 wks!
colon cancer presentation due nxt 2 wks!
patient education on diabetes due few wks to come!

ArGhHHhH!! aku bleh jadi gile siol!

2006-02-07T22:05:00.000+08:00

ohh damn shit.
this farking migraine jus wun get lost.
it jus wun go. damn it.
e whole wrld's spinning ryt dis minute.
evry single tym i come online, i get it bad.
FARK!!!

ok skool..
was ok. sheila didnt come skool.
so only iffa and me and e rest of e class.
tmrw's our presentation.
oh shit!!
i jus rmmbrd i need to bring my uniform tmrw..
ah damn leceh man! tsk!
tu nnti bleh bikin lah..

ohh damn!
i jus remembered tmrw's my 1yr 2mths anni wid my boo..
tapi kite gado plak.. bodo btol!!
korg nk tau gado sal ape??
nk tau? btol nk tau??
sal mak aku ckp die gmok and played ard daying he's fat.
abes die mengamok. mara aku seme..
ape sey?!!
bkn aku yg suro mak aku joke gtu ape..
seme salah aku.. ape sey..
ahh!! tkpe lah..
dari tadi satu ari die asek nk salah aku tudo je.
aku tk mara, die kate aku mara..
aku bobal baik2, die kate aku tk bobal baik2..
aku try dtop mak aku, die kate aku tkleh bt pape utk die..
ape lar ni seme.. saket ati, saket jantung sey..
haiyah!!

k ar..
smpai sini lar jelah k.
kpale ku maseh pning gile babi ni.
tklah angkat..
sak tol!!

2006-02-06T18:59:00.000+08:00

hai..
aku tk tau lah ape nk jadi dgn aku & dier..
kejap gado..
kejap ok..
ari ni happy, luving..
bsk gado, kuang aja dgn each otha.
aku penat lah..
pening kepale ni aku skrg.
tsk tsk tsk...

i had sch today @ 8am!
i forced myself up cuz i was having a terrible migraine.
damn!!
my head was spinning all day long in sch.
tired, sick and sleepy. all in all..
my day in sch.. SUX!! big tym.

im gonna crash real soon.
e more i blog.. e more worst it bcomes.
fuck. shito.
i need to lie dwn..
sch's @ 1000hrs tmrw.
and im gonna sleep til 8am tmrw.
cnt tahan aredy!!!!!
mcm ada mau pengsan ah!!

adios!!

2006-02-02T23:07:00.000+08:00

ok ok..
a few things.

one..
my mum's nt mad at me anymore!
as e saying goes..
"mara seorg ibu kpd anak nye tkkan lame".
and true enuf..
a lil hug, a lil kiss and mum falls bck into my love.
ahaha!!
i love her sooo!!

ok ok..

two..
tomoro nigel's organising a party @ chinablack!!
gerek sey!!
i wana go but i've nvr been to a club before..
sooo if go alone cam paisey kn..
but i tk reti pulak clubbing ni seme..
alah... den hw eh??
boooorriiinnng......

third..
bsk......
aku nk klua!!
aku nk klua!!! aku nk klua!!!
sesape nk klua ajak aku eh...
aku bosan!! aku nk klua!!!!!

2006-02-01T17:56:00.000+08:00

i tink i hurt my mum.
her feelings i mean.
i jus gt bck hm frm skul.
tired, shag and all.
den she asked me out to cozwap pt.
of cz i get angry, ryte?
so i accidentally raised my voice at her.
and nw she's in her rm nt comng out.
damn.

alah..
sorry lah umi..
ampun eh..
*hee*

2006-01-31T23:16:00.000+08:00

will i ever find e way to trust my baby?
will i ever be able to trust him? ever?
when will i ever stop doubting his love for me?
when will i stop being suspicious of him?

i dunno.
mebe nt nw.
mebe nt ever.
but i hope one day.
one day, i wud be in peace.
i wud be able to love and trust him.
like he did.

2006-01-31T22:26:00.000+08:00

i am guilty for my own conscience.
for my own foolish act.
and for my own suspicious accusations.
my instincts dun work as gd as before nwadays.

i kept diving into bad conclusions.
day after day.
and evry single tym i do,
i hurt my love one.
making him tink he's worthless.
making him tink he's gd for nothin.
im bad.
i know.

and im sorry.

2006-01-29T17:24:00.000+08:00

he totally left me out.
he didnt drop me a cal.
didnt drop me an sms.
didnt even bother to reply either.

dis is really disappointing.
waiting and waiting..
thts all im doing ryte nw.

shud i cal him?
shud i jus dun bother?
wad do i do?
oh god. help me.

2006-01-29T14:03:00.000+08:00

is dis wad i really want?
is he wad i really am looking for?
do i really want my life to be like dis?

today i'd be smiling and laughing wid him.
today he might be e most sweetest man on earth.
today he might hav poured me wid evry
little sweet nothings i always wanted.
but evrything wud be different e next day.

we wud be arguing e very next day.
he wud be ignoring me e next day.
i wud be jus nobody to him e next day.

why??
why is dis happening to me for one whole yr?
and why am i stil holding on tho it hurts so damn much?
why am i stil luving him so much to let go?
and why must he be coming bck to me
if he plans to continue hurting me again??
why??

yesterday i was fooled.
i was ignored.
i was played out again.
today i doubt he wud cal.
i doubt he wud even giv a damn abt me.

i want all dis hurtful tings to STOP.
pls!!
stop hurting me.
stop being so mean.
stop being so selfish.
stop being so unfair to me.
im ur gurl, for god's sake.

leave me alone if u plan to hurt me.
leave me alone if u plan to forget me.
leave me alone if u dun plan to care at all.
leave me pls..

im on e verge of giving up.
and wen i do..
i know u wud be grinning for u hav won.
i know u wud be smiling for u r free.
but..

im holding bck all my emotions ryte nw.
i fear to hav mistook u.
but im sure my woman instincts are ryte.
ur lying.

2006-01-28T20:29:00.000+08:00

aku maseh mara nih!!
mcm nk maki je!!
mcm nk tumbok2 je!!!!
eeee!!!! ggeerraaaamm nye!!!!
ah pantat lar!!!
ape aku nk bt ni!!?!
ah klua pn cantik ar!!!!!!!
malas ar aku nk pikir2 sal org mcm tuh!!
kurang asam btol!!!!!!!!!
ah sak ar!!!!

2006-01-28T20:23:00.000+08:00

skrg aku tgh boring gile babi.
aku bingit. boring. saket hati. mara.
segale2 prasaan lah!!

somebody jus help me kill him out derre.
urgh!!!! argh!! ahh!! ggeerraaammm!!!!!!!!!!!
pantat lah!!! pegi lah!!
jgn balek pon tkpe ar!!!!!
aku tk heran ar !!!!!!
kau nk bt ape kau pi buat ar!!!!
kau nk pi enjoy kau pi lah enjoy!!!!!!!!
lupekan aku !!!
aku ggeerrrrraaaaammmmmm dgn kau tau!!!!!
tak berhati!! tak berperut!!
ah bole blah lah kau!!!!!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BENCI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-01-28T18:37:00.000+08:00

aku bingit!!
aku bingit gile babi!!
korg bayangkan lar..

aku mengidam nk makan mee rebus.
die kate nk p makan breakfast p mkn mee rebus dgn aku.
dh lah bgn lmbt tk jadi p breakfast. tk jadi jumpe lagi.
tkpe aku klua je tunggu mane tau tukar plan mkn lunch je.
tu pon tk sak!!
die kate tkde duit nk trun sini jumpe aku.
pantat lar!!

dh lah tu aku tetap tunggu sampai dlm kul 3.
maseh tk trun. aku cal ingat die kt mane.
dh nk sampai ke ape ke. ni tak !!
die maseh pat umah.
bile aku tny trun ke tak,
kate tak tau.
pantat lar tak tau!! nk ke tnk?? tu je aku tny.

dh lah gitu..
satu ari tk cal, tk msg, tk heran kan aku.
sak btol!
den msg aku stakat nk kasi tau aku yg die nk klua??!!
nk klua??!!
klua dgn kwn! p peninsula! jln2 lagi!
siak ar!?!?
ohh jumpe aku stakat trun yishun tk bole!!
jumpe kwn2 trun p PENINSULA bole!!
tk bingit ke kalau matair korg buat tu mcm??
ni bukan matair.
ni jantan yg sungguh tk berperikemanusian langsung!!
dh lah slalu klua bkn nk ajak aku!!
argh!!! ah!!!! aku dh malas lah slalu kene mcm ni!!!
bole jln lah kau!! aku dh malas!!!!!!!
AH SUDAH LAH KAU!!!!

2006-01-28T15:54:00.000+08:00

and so i waited.
thot he wud come dwn here.
but not.

disappointment again he gav me.
i give up.
i wun wait.
i wun hope.
anymore.

2006-01-28T15:34:00.000+08:00

fuck u lionel.

fuck ur face.
fuck ur presence.
fuck u.

nt in e mood

2006-01-24T22:06:00.000+08:00

i had no mood for skul.
no mood for classes.
no mood for anything today..

didnt quite knw why actually.
well im feeling a bit alryte nw..
my eyes r alredy kinda tired nw.

updates.
me and my baby..
we r doing jus fine. relationship's gd.
fytes here and derre but manageable.

me and frens..
we r gud. frens been supportive wen in trouble.
iffa's been having a chaotic experience wid her ejam.
sheila's been having bad communications wid her ray.
nurul's been showered wid wonderful surprises eversince.
they all hav their own life ryte.
im jus derre to listen and worry. esp sheila..
*haiz*

all in all..
its been a balance period of guds and bads.
!!equal!!
*peace*

iM BacK!!

2006-01-18T15:44:00.000+08:00

announcement!! announcement!!

ais is back! and will be posting full updates
of her stuffs real soon!!

so bersabar semua! dan jumpe lagi lain kali.
see u guys real soon!!

!!i will be back!!

2005-12-07T14:35:00.001+08:00

yey!!

today is our one yr anniversary.
me and baby.

yeah! baybee!!
we've been together for one yr now.
one yr of endurance.
one yr of all ur nonsense and my nonsense.
it was fun! was a great experience.
and most of all!
we stil are so much in love with each other!!

i love u baby..
cant wait to see him later!
see ya.

love u alot.

BaBy's BacK

2005-12-05T16:41:00.000+08:00

at last.
he's coming back.

after three weeks of separation,
he's coming back home.
the only thing im living for. his return.

been missing him.
been thinking alot abt him.
cant wait to see u again sweetheart.
hope to see u soon.

love u.

2005-12-03T14:08:00.004+08:00

How to make a siti aisyah

Ingredients:

3 parts jealousy

5 parts arrogance

5 parts leadership

Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Serve with a slice of sadness and a pinch of salt. Yum!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

BoReD

2005-12-03T14:08:00.002+08:00

im jus so bored today.
not out. nothing to do.
baby's in camp. so im jus here.
argh!
boredom is killing me!!

i'll be waiting ..

2005-12-03T14:08:00.001+08:00

counting down..
1 more day til my baby comes home.

i miss him so so much.
jus cant wait.
to hug him to kiss him once agian..

i'll be waiting hun..

im Back

2005-12-03T14:08:00.000+08:00

don't look no further..
baby im back. yeah..
I AM BACK, PPLE!!!

after so long,
after so much,
i am back.

all refreshed.
all hyper.
and..
all in love again.
*yup*

go..

2005-10-09T14:24:00.000+08:00

i chose to end it here.
he wants me back.
what i too want.
but my situations tight.
nobody could understand.

baby..
go..
find yourself a better woman with a better family.
who can love u like i do and whom u can love too.
it kills me inside to decide this.
but i know what ur worth.
ur worth more than dis.
u ought to be given a chance like how i always hav given u.
but.. my family.
they dun.
they wun.

i thank u.
for being real patient wit me and family.
go find urself a better woman.
u have my best wishes.
i love u.
always will.

so this is it....

2005-10-08T23:49:00.000+08:00

together til e end of our lives.

guess tht's not coming true.. we're thru. we went our ways.
he went to his and i went to mine.
it's hard to forget the memories and evrything we did together.
but i guess i jus have to try.
im all alone, lonely..
no more night cals.
no more sweet loving msgs.
no more tht someone to love.

deep down i stil do miss you. i stil do love u.
every memory stays intact in my mind.
every day and nyte all i think of is you.
but.. now we move on with our lives.
i really hope one day you'll be somebody. successful.
someday we'll meet again..

i miss you. and always will.

yours truly.